Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
I love having hate sex.
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
Randomize
