...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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