An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
Randomize
