I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
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