Apparently you make a good broom.
I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize
