Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
I'm pretty sure that every show on ABC Family could be turned into a drinking game.
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
I have all the porn. Be there soon
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