Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
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