im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
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