I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
i am craving dick and cupcakes
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Randomize
