Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
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