I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
she woke up with a sticky ear
were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
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