I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
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