who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Randomize
