You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
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