What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
Randomize
