Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
Randomize
