why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
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