I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
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