she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
Randomize
