We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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