he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
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