woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Randomize
