I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
Randomize
