Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
Randomize
