im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
