I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Randomize
