I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
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