I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Randomize
