One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
Randomize
