I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
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