If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
Randomize
