Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
