What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
Randomize
