margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
Randomize
