I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
Randomize
