Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
I looked at my own cervix.
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
Randomize
