I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
My apartment stinks of burning failure
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