he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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