You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
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