i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
Randomize
