i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
Randomize
