You just made me feel so damn special
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
Randomize