I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
