The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
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