I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
Randomize
