I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
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