i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
farters have to be the big spoon...
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
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