I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
Your topless pictures make me question reality
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Randomize
