she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
Randomize