4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
Randomize
