everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
Randomize
