Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
high people should be assigned attendants
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
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