I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
Randomize