I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
Randomize
