I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
