You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
I can't trust your balls anymore.
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
Randomize
