My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize
