Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
Randomize
