you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
Randomize
