I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
At least life still wants to fuck me.
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
Randomize
