haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
I'm both gender and math confused
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
Randomize
