its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
Randomize
