how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
I just googled if crying burns calories
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
Randomize