Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
Randomize
