Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
Randomize
