When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
Randomize
