if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
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