As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
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