arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
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