I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
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