I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
Randomize
