so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
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