so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
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