dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Randomize
