why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
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