there's paper in my vomit.
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
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