the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
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