2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
Randomize
