so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
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