so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
Randomize
