He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
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