Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
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