I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
Randomize
