we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
