Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
Randomize
