i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
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